The Newborn Period

Looking back, it's amazing to ponder how we got through the first couple of weeks. Thankfully my mother was here, and neither of us were working. We just stayed home and hunkered down with our bundle of precious joy.

The baby slept through most of the first couple of weeks, as most newborns do, apparently. This was kind of a relief in a way because as new parents, we were pretty overwhelmed anyhow, and needed the downtime since until we knew what we were doing, it felt like we were living from one crisis to the next. The worst part was that we were trying to battle jaundice. With jaundice, the sleepiness is exacerbated and leads to not eating enough, which creates a vicious circle. We had to work really hard to keep him awake long enough to feed those first couple of weeks.

The first week home, we actually spent a lot of time at the hospital dealing with the jaundice which was all kinds of fun. The last thing you want to do with a newborn is haul the poor thing out in the cold rain every other day to go to pediatric appointments. Uggh. I had to do a lot of pumping for the first month to keep things going, and the supplementing was a pain until I got the hang of it. It was pretty crazy for awhile, but now things are much much easier.

In spite of the problems around feeding and jaundice, luckily he wasn't much of a crier. His crying was pretty much limited to the obvious stuff: "I need to eat!" or "Help, I'm soaked!" The rest of the time he was either asleep--or briefly awake and looking at us. I remember he did a lot of squeaking and grunting, and thankfully not much crying.

Later on, he got gassy (especially once we had to start giving him formula) and then he would howl. It only took a couple of days to figure out that was causing the trouble. Then gripe water and simethicone drops became a part of our world--but neither of these things offer complete or instant gratification, so we still had to find ways to soothe him as much as possible. Some things that seemed to help were swaddling (he LOVED that), rocking, changing positions, patting his back, cuddling, humming, soft music, and laying on mom's chest or being held until he fell asleep. Poor kid, it took his digestive system a long time to figure out what to do, and he still tends towards gassiness, but at least now it doesn't hurt him the way it did in the beginning.

In the first couple of months, many nights, I basically just sat up with him in the LazyBoy rocking him asleep and holding all night long in the crook of my arm, since he would stay asleep as long as he was held. I managed to get some sleep this way. After a month, I got to the point where I could bring him back to bed with us (without waking him up in transit) and he would stay asleep (until the next feeding). He was considerate enough to sleep for 4-5 stretches at night so I could too. (Being close to us seemed to help him sleep better, and I could get some sleep, too. He would wake up and look around to see if we were still there, then go right back to sleep, content that the world was okay.)

After the first month, he would get fussier in the evening, so I discovered that dimming the lights, and laying him on my chest tummy-to-tummy with a blanket over us would settle him a bit. I think it calmed him to hear my heartbeat/breathing. Another thing that worked well was putting him in my Moby Wrap (carrier) and just going about my normal routine of doing stuff around the house. Wrapped up in there, all womb-like, he would settle down quickly and pass out and stay content for hours. In fact it worked so well, I had to drag him out or he wouldn't eat!

During the day, whenever the weather was nice, I would take him out in the jogging stroller and walk around the neighborhood. He really liked being in his car seat anyway, so putting him in the stroller also settled him. He would look around for about 5-15 minutes, then pass out until we got home. That was my post-partum exercise plan.

One month old today

Cedar's one-month birthday is today. That first month sure has gone by really fast!

Misc. Development Notes:

He's had surprisingly good head/neck control since he was born, IMO. When he's awake/active, he likes to bob his head around whenever he gets a chance. When he's tired, of course he goes all limp and flops over like a sack.

We didn't see much of his eyes the first week or two, and half the time, he had this cross-eyed thing going on, but now he has them open a lot more and he likes to look at us, and he even turns his head towards you if you're talking. He looks at other things too, and honestly, I have no idea what he's looking at sometimes.

I don't know if it's my imagination or what, but I swear his fine "piano" fingers are filling out a bit. I still can't get over how tiny his fingernails are. He has a supergrip and likes to grab onto my shirt, the SNS tube, or my hair on a regular basis.

He startles when you sneeze (I think the suddenness of it scares him), when he hears gunshots on TV, or when a bag of chips crinkles loudly.

He's had a pretty good latch since the minute he came out. He was a big time sucker in utero, and sucking also comforts him in a big way now that he's out in the world. I didn't want to give him a pacifier so early on, but he seemed to need it. Fortunately it hasn't created any confusion for him. He also can go back and forth from bottle to breast without batting an eyelash. No nipple confusion with this guy.

He is quite the kicker and has very strong legs, probably from all the practice he had kicking me before he was born. Now I can clearly see what he was doing all that time.

Most of the time he is pretty quiet, and he actually sleeps a lot. That was a huge problem for the first couple of weeks (when he was jaundiced) because it totally interfered with feeding (he'd rather sleep than eat, and wouldn't wake up--I felt so bad for him, but I had to wake him up and torture him). Now he wakes on his own when he's hungry, but he's considerate enough to go 4-5 hours at night and let me get some sleep at night. Usually, I only have to get up once between midnight and 6am for a night feeding. During the day, however, he wants to eat pretty frequently (around every 2-3 hours), and rarely goes longer than a couple of hours during the daytime.

He gets really agitated when you take off his clothes or change his diaper. Ironically he cries because he wants to be changed, but at the same time, seems to hate being exposed. Probably doesn't help that it's winter...He also has terrible problems with gas, although he's not truly colicky because he doesn't cry for hours. Nothing seems to totally help with that. Given his genetic makeup, I'm not too surprised that he's having digestive issues.

He's completely satisfied if you hold him--he'll lay next to you, sit in your lap, lay in your arms, curl up on my chest like a little snuggle monkey, and is totally content to be carried around. Basically if we do any of the above, he'll totally pass out or just look around quietly. Besides breastfeeding, he's totally blissed out being held.

He has lots of funny facial expressions. Besides the "gas smile" and "poop face", he also has all kinds of funny expressions. One, daddy likes to call the "grumpy old man face". Sometimes he looks like he's in deep though (gas?), or has the "don't even go there with me" face.

He failed one of his hearing tests in the hospital, which created some drama, but I knew there wasn't really anything wrong with his hearing because of the way he tracks voices/people. Also, the way he responds to music gives me no reason to doubt his hearing. He knows our voices pretty well. He likes it when you sing or hum, and as previously mentioned, he likes to listen to music.

He likes to take baths, which is a good thing because the poor lil' guy gets pretty dirty. He also likes riding in the car, and going for walks around the neighborhood. Usually he just passes out, but sometimes he'll look around at the scenery. At any rate, he doesn't mind these things a bit, and is pretty content.

sensitive!

I'm feeling way more sensitive these days...and it must be the hormone stew. It's bizarre, since I was never particularly emotional during pregnancy, but ever since the baby arrived, I've been way more sensitive to everything. I guess it's normal to feel this way since a lot of people tell me they've gone through this stage too, but it sure is weird.

I get flooded with anxiety or sadness when I think about tragedies or catastrophes. For instance, I used to be an avid horror film watcher when I was a teenager, but now, not so much. I don't read the paper as much because it stresses me out. I cannot watch the news because I can't stand hearing about all the bad things that happen (especially to kids). As a teacher, I've never been real big on people hurting children, but now there's a visceral response to go with the general moral outrage.

I feel a lot more sensitive than I was before I birthed my son. I used to be fairly detached, but now it's like I've become aware that everyone who is in pain or is hurting is someone's CHILD. My emotions are so much larger and more intense since having my son. This is wonderful, when it comes to the love I feel for him. This is a degree of love like nothing I have ever felt before. In turn, it has softened my heart to experience other emotions as well. It changes you. It's not that I was totally unfeeling prior to becoming a mom, but there was a certain level of detachment that I had developed. Now, I get this awful visceral reaction when I hear about some of the uglier things that humanity is capable of. Currently, it feels like I'm wearing my emotions on my sleeve, they bubble up all the time during inconvenient times and places.

Once you have a child, you suddenly have this weird connection to anyone who has ever experienced pregnancy, birth, and the intense relationship with a child that follows all of that. Maybe it's an evolutionary mechanism that keeps us looking out for other babies in the tribe. I don't know. What I do know, is that in some ways, it can be strange, but mostly it's kind of wondrous.

Cloth Diapering

Diapers. Uggh.

If you insist on having a baby, it's a task you have to face sooner or later. While elimination communication sounds interesting, since I'm not going to have the luxury of staying at home full-time, that's not a way out of the diapering dilemma.

I had been toying with the idea of seriously trying cloth diapers--after all, I live within walking distance of Tidee Didee, the local diaper service, which I've been driving past almost every day for a few years. I also received a bunch of free diaper covers and some cloth diapers, so the start up cost was eliminated in this case.

I also received several cases of disposables in various sizes, so starting off, I didn't need to invest any money in either direction, and could experiment with both (and report back to the group).

What kind of diapering "system" you choose to use is one of those things everyone seems to have an opinion on. For me, the main factors with this sort of thing are ease of use, practicality, and environmental. I've used both disposable and cloth and here's my thoughts about that...

For the first couple of weeks, I HAD to use disposables. Originally I thought I'd just use them for the newborn/meconium phase, but for a few weeks, he was too small even for the smallest size covers that I had. I had to use disposable newborn diapers. Here's my thoughts about that:

1. Disposables are leaky! People always complain about how leaky cloth diapers are, but disposables, in my experience, were even more leaky! It seemed like every time he peed, I had to do a full clothing change (one for me, one for him)! As much as that happens, I could go through at least 10 outfits a day for him, and a few for myself. Sheesh! If I'm gonna be doing laundry that often, I might as well just be using cloth diapers! I had four different brands to choose from, and they ALL leaked. Every one of them. The minute he peed, it was coming out the side. Delightful!

2. The disposal aspect kinda sucks too. Our trashcans were constantly overflowing with diapers. They sure add up fast. The smell factor was kinda gross, but even more worrisome was the fact that it was ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL not to forget trash day! (And I'm prone to doing that, which usually isn't that critical...I used to put out my trash cans half-full, but boy oh boy, you don't want to have dirty diapers around for an extra week, no siree!)

3. Weird residue? I don't know what it was, but it seemed like there were weird little globules stuck to his skin. Maybe some chemical from the diaper? I don't know, but once I switched to cloth diapers, I never had this experience.

4. Another prohibitive aspect was the fact that one bag only lasted a few days, then you have to go to the store and buy more. Who wants to be running to the store with a newborn at home? If I had to do this all the time, I'd probably use diapers.com.

5. I haven't even mentioned the environmental angle, and I'm not going to go into detail here. If you're curious, do your own research. For me, anyhow, I live in a region where water is plentiful (not scarce), don't use "chemicals" at home, and enjoy the re-use factor of cloth diapers.

Needless to say, this experiment with disposables ended fairly quickly. Granted, I will still have to deal with disposables since he'll be doing some time in daycare, and if I'm out of the house all day with baby, I probably will not feel like lugging around cloth diapering supplies. But I will admit that for me, cloth diapers are much much easier to use at home.

So, as soon as he was big enough to wear my small-sized diaper covers, I went and signed up with the local diaper service (while he's an infant, I'm all for the convenience of not dealing with the laundry angle of cloth diapers).

1. So far, my observation is that cloth diapers do a better job of containing the two most common substances that come out of a newborn baby. Sure they leak eventually, but it takes a lot longer (note this isn't true with older babies/toddler sized disposable diapers that can hold up to a gallon of water, but for a newborn, it appears to be the case).

2. Cloth diapers have a higher start up cost, but once you invest in them, you're good to go for awhile--and you don't have to run out and buy anything until the kid grows out of one size and into another. The most expensive thing about cloth diapering is buying the covers. Luckily I received a pretty good stash of cloth diapers and the covers that go with them. I can also get used covers very very cheaply. Because I hate doing laundry every day, I invested in more covers so I don't have to wash them as often.

3. They don't take up space in my trash cans(and I don't need to go out and buy a bigger trash can--which means I don't have to pay a higher pickup fee)! Trash day is no longer a state of emergency. If I miss it, oh well. It's not a hazardous waste crisis.

4. You do have to do a bit more laundry, obviously. Even though I'm not currently washing the diapers, I do still need to wash the covers. I'm using the hot water setting for the first time in my life. I didn't have to invest in any special detergent because we already have to use the gentle/hypoallergenic stuff for ourselves.

5. I'm using cut up Goodwill bath towels and t-shirts for cloth wipes--after all, if you aren't using disposable diapers, it seems silly to use disposable wipes. Not only are they cheap and endlessly reusable, they're also good for other wipe-up chores around the house. Plus, there's the chemical factor--with two parents with sensitive skin, why would the baby be any more fortunate? It's pretty easy--you just use them--dry or wet--and wash them when you accumulate enough.

This is working pretty well for me. I can see where this whole setup will get more complex if I have to take the show on the road. Also, I should point out that I'm not laundering poopy diapers yet--but will be down the road when the baby's older and not pooping as often. It's still a good idea to have some backup disposables on hand for when you forget to do laundry, or have to

Post-partum surrealism (warning, TMI)

Totally TMI, and more than you ever wanted to know, but here’s what the aftermath of giving birth is like.

It's wishful thinking that anything in the universe goes back to normal after you have a baby. Nobody warns you how intense things are about to get after you get through the labor and delivery--an epic event in its own right. I’m here to do just that.

After spending forty weeks having a very intimate bodily experience with another person, apparently it takes a while for the dust to settle. Truth be told, I felt pretty miserable for about a week after the baby was born for a variety of reasons. After feeling like an island of tranquility for most of the pregnancy, my emotional profile was a bit bipolar for the first couple of weeks. One minute I'd be elated, the next feel like the bottom had dropped out. The hormones are quite a roller coaster ride.

Since my little radiator was born, I have been on my own again in the staying warm during winter department. Thankfully I can recreate most of that experience with my Moby Wrap (without having to suffer the vicious heartburn of the third trimester! I've never had so much trouble with my digestive system in my life). Your vagina, perineum, tail bone, and anything else down there will hurt in a way that you have never experienced before. It's been a warzone down there, so it's going to feel sore and swollen. Ice packs and sitz-baths seemed to help. Numbing sprays can help with any stinging or burning, and witch hazel wipes help as well. This can last for a couple weeks, and it's not fun.

If you've had stitches or tears, they will hurt while they're healing. Use a bottle of warm water (called a peri-bottle, which the hospital will probably provide for you) to clean yourself and soothe the pain. If your urine causes burning when it touches tears and stitches, use the peri-bottle while you pee to dilute your urine (or you can even pee in the bathtub filled with warm water...it's gross, but trust me, you won't care!). Drinking lots of water helps to dilute your urine too. Sitz-baths help some. Whatever you do, don't wipe over your stitches! Wiping over your stitches is just painful. Don't even think about doing it. You can gently (very gently) blot your stitches dry after cleaning yourself with water. Witch hazel pads (like those used for hemorrhoids) can help cut down the sting, but remember to blot instead of wipe (you can also put witch hazel pads directly on your sanitary pad if you need to). You can also use a numbing spray, but it can get tricky trying to point the can in the right direction while holding it upright.

Truth be told, I feel like I've been hit by a truck which lasted for about a week, and it’s hard to know how much of it can be blamed on the sleep deprivation. You feel the way you would if every muscle in your body had an intense workout the day before. I felt pretty stiff the first couple of days, and it was hard to get around. This hardly matters because the only thing I felt up for was laying and holding my baby. Once he was born, I didn’t let go of him for days—except to let someone else hold him. I haven't had many problems with postpartum depression thus far. I had lots of help for the first month, and wasn't left alone to muddle through such a major life change while utterly sleep-deprived and basically clueless.