It's a boy!

Cedar was born on December 27th at 4:20 PM. Height: 21 inches, Weight: 8lbs., 1 oz.

The Fam

I haven't spent Christmas with my family in years and years--probably not since we all lived in Memphis. This year, due to the expected arrival of Sprout, they're flying out here and spending it with us. Miraculously, they didn't get caught up in the slate of bad weather that's causing problems around the nation. If anything, their flight arrived slightly early. After picking them up at the airport on a super-foggy evening, we all hightailed it to the Chinese Buffet over on Holgate/82nd (at this point in my pregnancy, I can barely eat anything, but I still enjoyed having a little bit of variety, at least).

Now it's time to settle in and wait for Sprout to join the party...

A Christmas Questionnaire

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Definitely gift bags--I am not very good at wrapping presents, and I've been reusing the same gift bags (and bows and tissue) for years and years.

2. Real tree or artificial?

Sadly I'm too allergic to real trees to have them in the house, even though I love the smell. Oh well, it's a lot cheaper this way...

3. When do you put up your tree?

It varies depending on how busy I am, but never before Thanksgiving though!

4. When do you take the tree down? Usually around Jan. 2nd, unless I'm being lazy.

5. Do you like eggnog? I prefer the vegan stuff that Silk makes--better texture, and obviously less "eggy".

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

Hmmm, not sure. I was always so distracted by the shiny bows and paper that I often forgot all about what was inside the box.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Not at the moment, still looking for one that's "tasteful".

8. Hardest person to buy for?

My spouse, and well, just about anyone...I'm not very good at predicting what other people might want or might be interested in. Usually I just give food items--everyone has to eat!

9. Easiest person to buy for?

My sister-in-law because she's a lot like me...but unfortunately she's overseas, so I'm gonna have to hang on to the things I've bought for her for awhile. Also, most kids. Kids are much easier to buy stuff for than adults.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

I don't think I've ever received a "bad" gift.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

A bit of both, although I generally prefer to make my own and mail them.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

ELF!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

I do it throughout the year. The thing that sucks is sometimes I forget where I hid stuff.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

No, but I have taken a few things to Goodwill after the novelty has worn off.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Definitely the cookies!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

I like colored lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

Not sure, but I will say I tend to prefer instrumental versions of Christmas songs.

18. Travel for Christmas or stay at home?

I like to stay home, most of the time. This year, it's nice not to be working in retail--usually that influences my decision to stay home and lay low. This year, especially, I'm staying home, but because I could have a baby at any moment.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?

Thanks to the song, yes.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Stars are easier to cut out of construction paper. ;)

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

I always open one small present on Christmas Eve, and save the rest for Christmas Day.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

Having to go to the store--crowds, commercials for Christmas that start the day after Halloween, and the rampant commercialism.

23. What I love most about Christmas?

Definitely the lights and decorations--sure makes the winter around here a lot less dismal and gloomy.

Just in time

The last day of school before the winter break was the 18th. Now that the following Monday has rolled around, I'm glad that school's out...I've hit that point where teaching and pregnancy no longer seem to go together. The uncomfortable-ness factor has just gone up a considerable notch, and it's hard to imagine how I would be able to get through the day at this point. It's about a week before my estimated due date, and I'm really glad that I have the luxury of taking it easy now, thanks to the vagaries of the school schedule. Christmas and all that is coming up soon, and I really need some time to get ready to deal with that anyway...

The week before...

(posted after the fact...)

Right before giving birth, I honestly felt pretty normal--albeit a bit crabby. About a week before going into labor, I finally hit the point where I just didn't want to do very much. The timing was rather inconvenient because my family was about to visit, and I had done little to prepare for this. I was really grateful that school was already out because I would have had a hard time working through the crabbiness. I think the fact that the holidays were coming up helped distract me a bit from how I was feeling emotionally--there was just too much going on to really dwell on things.

I didn't have a whole lot of expectations one way or another. Since this was my first time giving birth, and I had no idea what to expect, I pretty much spent a lot of time NOT thinking about it too much. I spent as much time as possible trying to surround myself with calmness. That helped keep me from being too anxious. It was also nice to NOT have tons of people around asking me, "are you having contractions, yet" or whatever... Yeah. That doesn't help.

Like I said, the main thing I felt in the week leading up to labor was a pervasive crankiness. It didn't take much to get on my nerves that last week. I was really annoyed, and totally hated being out in public or around people. Then again, I tend to feel that way *much* of the time, although not as acutely. I would stand as far away from other people as I could, and if I could have achieved invisibility, I would have gone for it. That's not likely anyway, considering I was about the size of a barn by then. Maybe it's a kind of distancing that you do to prepare for labor--wanting to hole up by yourself in a cave somewhere...I don't know...For me, pregnancy was a time of solitude, of wanting to be alone a lot, and towards the end, the solitude I craved had the feel of something purposeful that would prepare me for what was coming.

holiday madness special edition

The last week of school before winter break (or any break, really) is always a tough time for us teacherly folk, but it's equally hard on the kids. Here's the issues that I've faced in the last week.

First of all, almost everything can be blamed on the fact that there's the vast alterations to the schedule that occur during the month of December. We try to minimize the impact of schedule deviations on our students to the extent that we can (the nice thing about a self-contained classroom is that to some extent bell schedules can be ignored), but any change is always difficult. Kids don't do well with change adjustments in general, and kids in Special Ed, do even less well. When you add Autism to the mix, that just makes for a lot of discontent when the school day doesn't flow in its usual predictable way. Our students do not do well when the schedule gets all wonky before winter break. Most get unsettled or anxious about it, and ask repeatedly when things are going to happen. Many get cranky and aren't shy about letting you know how they feel about having the rug pulled out from under them. Others totally flip out and have meltdowns. Why? The weekly schedule is the master of all routines, and provides a soothing backdrop of stability and security which many students grow to rely on to provide some sense of meaning and structure to their lives at school. Many of our students couldn't tell you the time, or day of the week, but they can follow the schedule like pros--provided that it stays the same. So when you start tinkering with the timing of the periods, or changing lunch times, they show their displeasure by acting out. That's about as fun as it sounds.

Another source of drama is the whole excitement of the upcoming holidays. On one hand, it's exciting and fun, but on the other, it creates some anxiety for some of our kids. Many enjoy the rituals; others find them stressful or overstimulating. Since home situations also vary widely, holidays can either be joyous or miserable for our kids. Some can look forward to family trips and parties and gifts. Others will experience domestic violence or will be lucky if their nutritional needs are met.

Another issue is school parties and functions. In December, people tend to throw parties. Don't get me wrong. I love a party as much as the next person, but there's some issues to consider as well. From a staff perspective, it's kind of annoying that you can't attend any of the staff events--because invariably most take place during the school day. If you're lucky enough not to be completely ignored (a common problem in Special Ed), you'll get invited to potlucks and such, which sounds great, but it's nearly impossible to attend these kinds of things if they fall during the school day. For most of the rest of the building, you have either common planning periods or lunches that you can use for these kinds of functions. But in self-contained Special Ed, there's the need for almost constant supervision...so only a portion of the staff is ever free at the same time. After all, someone ALWAYS has to be with the kids...so inevitably, only some people get to attend. The best solution, really is to have these things before or after school when there aren't kids in the building.

But in spite of all the madness, we do have manage to have fun in our own little world. People do stop by and visit and bring us treats. We take care of each other, and have fun planning stuff to do with our students. We have our own parties, and involve our students in school happenings to the extent that we can. And even though it's crazy and stressful sometimes, December can be a really fun time to be working in a school setting.

now we're getting into the thick of it

Now that I'm getting into the final stretch of things (the last few weeks) things are definitely starting to get a bit more taxing. Fortunately I've only got one week of work left, so I should be able to handle that. The downside is after the last day of school, I won't have anything whatsoever to distract me from the general uncomfortable-ness of being 9 months pregnant. I hate to say it, but even if the kids are all wound up and excited (due to the impending holiday season), dealing with the range of behaviors is far more bearable than thinking about being pregnant.

This is it, folks, the home stretch. The tiring and uncomfortable phase. Granted most of the third trimester pregnancy feels this way, at least some of the time, but at this point in the game, it's not just an occasional thing. Part of my problem right now is that the baby's big enough that there's almost always feet stuck up in my ribs, and no room for any of my internal organs. I feel pretty constricted these days, and breathing and eating are two things that I no longer take for granted. Neither of these activities are particularly fun at the moment.

The breathing trouble is multifaceted--there's the chronic nasal congestion and nosebleeds (exacerbated by the bone-dry air) and the fact that my lungs are squashed into a tiny space. Now I get to huff and puff my way through the day...I always sound like a heavy breather--it's kind of weird.

Then there's the heartburn. I had this during the first trimester as well, and back then, I could avoid much of it with careful planning--as long as I stayed away from spicy foods (and other things I was having aversions to) and did all my eating early in the day, I could largely avoid the worst of it. Now, nothing seems to work for very long. The strategy of eating small meals just means that I have heartburn more frequently instead of 3 times a day, but due to the lack of available space in my stomach, I have to do it anyway. These days I pretty much have to force myself to eat, and since I can't eat hardly any of the things that I really *like* to eat, it's not enjoyable. Spicy foods have been off the list for awhile, but now even bland foods no longer guarantee comfort--I can get heartburn from eating such benign items as potatoes, applesauce, or a banana! I secretly wonder if there's any point in trying anymore...There's a lot of things I can't drink either, so I'm pretty much restricted to water--or really mild teas. Juices are way too acidic--I find I do better just eating fruits (for example, I couldn't drink orange juice if my life depended on it, but I can usually eat oranges--go figure). I guess this is what acid reflux disease is like--not so fun. I'm doing the papaya enzyme/Tums combo, and those both only work for a limited duration before it comes right back. Joy.

The main thing I'm dealing with besides the whole eating/breathing thing, is just generally feeling uncomfortable and grappling with the lack of sleep. I think the lack of sleep just makes you even more aware of how crappy you're feeling in general.

Maybe I should be gone more often...

Last week, a sub came in for one of my co-workers that seemed interested in filling in for me during my upcoming maternity leave. I decided to take a day off this week, both because I needed to re-group after a couple of hectic days, and also to give her a chance to "test-drive" my job and get a chance to meet *Bob.

When I walked in the room this morning, the room was all decorated. My class surprised me with a baby shower! That was pretty exciting for me because I really hadn't had one--not having any family in the area.

We sat around and ate donuts and bagels, the students gave me the cards they made, and D* sang me a song. What a great class!

Week 36

I've hit the 9-month mark now, so most things are a bit more tiring these days. It's hard to believe that the baby's gonna be here pretty soon (time of course has a funny way of going both slowly and quickly by), and next time I see a full-moon, I'll probably have a babe in arms... I think I also had my first (perceptible) Braxton-Hicks contractions this afternoon while I was ambling down Powell Blvd. Yep, we're getting near the finish line, folks...

Honestly, though, I'm still not paying too much attention to all of this, except in passing. If I don't, I'm less likely to obsess about it too much. Or maybe I'm just too tired to get caught up in all the hype--after all, when you get right down to it, it's been nearly a year since I've had a good night's sleep...

Some observations about this state of pregnancy:

1. Most of my shirts stick out funny, or don't button down all the way anymore.
2. I'm definitely glad I bought the "way too big" jacket, that fits just right in the 9th month.
3. Eating is a weird proposition. Unlike the first trimester, my appetite's here, but there's nowhere to put anything, so it's actually pretty hard to go about the whole process.
4. Less kicking, more turning or shifting around.
5. My ribs are sore a lot, but my back is actually aching less. Go figure.
6. Sleep is a joke, but laying down, in general, feels great.
7. The baby does feel a bit "lower" this week.
8. I have a great "shelf" to park things on while watching movies.
9. Yes, I can still see my feet just fine, thanks.
10. Most days, I actually feel just fine--until about 5pm. Then I get really tired--but that could just be the S.A.D. at work too--the sun's setting really early now and that never does much to keep me feeling energetic.