The Week of Looking Inward, Day 1

Where have I learned and lived in 2012? In my head, in my body, or both? I suspect that in my case, it depends on which half of the year you’re talking about. During the first half of 2012, I was teaching full-time. But becoming pregnant during the second half of 2012 definitely shifted the body/mind balance over to the other side. There’s no ignoring the body when you’re pregnant. It makes extraordinary demands that refuse to be ignored. The body during pregnancy seems to have a “mind” of its own.

You really think you’re going to eat THAT? Ha!

I’ve got a better idea, let’s eat way more of THIS.

You will definitely NOT be doing that today.

Let’s go pee AGAIN!

You want to sleep? No kidding! Seems like as good a time as any to be awake…

If I somehow manage to ignore these messages, there’s always those intermittent episodes of kicking to bring me fully back into the present moment.

There’s no escaping into the head most of the time. And by the time 2013 rolls around, I’ll be very lucky if my “head” is still functioning in any meaningful way. Pregnancy is a full-body experience, and with the upcoming “sleep deprivation experiment” (otherwise known as infancy) pending, my head will mostly be a yawn-exiting apparatus.

My challenge for 2013 is going to be finding a way to create some sort of mind/body balance out of the ensuing chaos of living in the same house with an infant AND a toddler. Nothing like piles of dirty diapers, or the jarring wail of an unhappy child to pull you back down to earth and the all-important present moment.

The almost-three-year-old

Cedar is almost 3 now (his birthday is about two weeks away). Today I’m having an “off” day and unfortunately am feeling rather irritated with my son, for doing things that don’t normally bother me that much. The reality is, I’m feeling kind of burned out, and not that patient today, so I think now that he’s finally taking a nap, that I’m going to reflect on what it is that I DO like about him (most of the time).

Generally I love spending time with him. He’s a very likable kid, and we do have a good relationship. As far as toddlers go, he’s fun to hang out with. In no particular order, here are some of the things I like best about my quirky little son: Normally he’s pretty easy-going. He’s pretty adaptable (in his short life we’ve moved 3 times, and alternated caregivers, and done all kinds of things to shake up his little world). In spite of that, he’s pretty mellow, adjusts quickly to change, and is usually positive.

In terms of behavior, he’s usually a pretty good kid. He’s usually open to redirection, usually behaves well, and wants to please you (which means he’s pretty easy for other people—like his speech path—to work with. I don’t have to worry about his behavior that much, and frankly I kind of take it for granted—I know in a lot of ways I’m getting off easy—he doesn’t do a lot of the awful things that normal toddlers do, or if he does, he does them so infrequently that I don’t usually have to deal with them.

He’s not a social butterfly, and due to his speech limitations isn’t inclined to strike up a conversation with strangers, but even so, he’s often friendly to strangers (he often runs up to people and offers them his toys), he’s affectionate (with us) in his own way, considerate of me (most of the time), fairly cooperative (usually does what I ask him to do), trusting (of people he knows), usually willing to share, and is often downright helpful (he helps me around the house quite a bit!). He’s always been less independent than some other children I’ve been around (very slow to feed himself for example), but he seems to be moving into a more interdependent phase of life. He wants to do more things for himself, and is starting to take pride in what he can do (and attempts to do things more than he used to). He’s always been a rather curious child, and likes to learn new things. It seems like he spends most of his time exploring, experimenting, and discovering new things. I love watching him and his endless delight at discovering the small details of his world.

He’s a calm, but happy kid. He’s usually pretty positive, and confident (although he’s definitely still inclined to watch first before diving in). He’s persistent in trying to do things for himself (but not in a way that is dangerous or bothersome or stubborn), and does not easily get frustrated. I think many of these traits will serve him well in life.