Holy Cow!

Without too much effort on either of our parts, we got pregnant almost immediately - surprise! This is a wanted baby, but it came so easily that we've been a bit in shock. You always hear people say they had to try for months or even years to get pregnant, but not this time. Apparently all systems are go--as in right NOW!

Even though this was something we planned for, there's still no escaping the surprise and shock that comes with equal doses of happiness. Even so, I still experience more anxiety or ambivalence than I was ever expecting, and unlike many other things in life, nothing on earth really prepares you for the whole experience of being pregnant. I guess I need some time to adjust to the changes. Even with all the feelings of joy and excitement, there are still moments of anxiety, and that feeling of "What on earth have I done?!"

My husband, of course, is very enthusiastic, supportive, and plain wonderful. So far I am not feeling sick, or super-emotional, or anything too crazy--I just can't stop over-thinking the whole thing, which of course makes it hard to sleep at night. In fact, the first clue I had that I was pregnant was being way more tired than usual, but this of course, in no way seems to correlate with getting any sleep at night. If I manage to get to sleep, I usual wake up at some point and can't go back to sleep, so I just lay there and worry. I know it's normal to feel more exhausted, but that doesn't help when all you want to do is sleep...and you can't. Uggh.

I do what I can--drink chamomile tea before going to bed, try to read calming things, and try to calm my overactive brain through some meditation exercises, but it doesn't always help. It's not like I'm particularly stressed out during the day, but at night, it's hard to stop thinking about things and just go to sleep. I am starting to feel like I will never sleep through the night again... not exactly what I wanted this early in the game. This pregnancy is already teaching me valuable life lessons like you really have no idea what to expect (when expecting). Maybe it's as good a time as any to realize that I may never sleep again. Everyone knows that the chances of great sleep with a baby/ toddler/ kid/ teenager are slim to none. Maybe this is just a time to learn to embrace the inevitable.