The name thing

(Warning-a very opinionated post, may be offensive to some)

A lot of things about pregnancy in our culture strike me as rather weird. It seems to me that the general trend in our culture is for people go to great lengths to find out the gender of their baby as early as possible, and settle on a name pretty early on. I'm pretty sure this explains the tons of "name polls" you always see on pregnancy websites, and all those posts from expecting mothers wanting the opinions of complete strangers about what name they should choose for their unborn child.

I personally find the whole thing a bit bizarre, but then again, I feel very differently about gender and identity than most people in our society. Part of me is superstitious enough to be wary or at the very least reluctant to start calling a baby by their intended name while they're still growing and changing in the womb. I don't really like the idea of "naming" or even "labeling" my unborn child a great deal until they're here, safe and sound (hence the nickname, Sprout).

I'm not really that big of a fan of the whole "naming" thing at all--but the Health Department pretty much insists that you put something on the birth certificate at the moment of your child's birth. (Sure you could go off and have your baby in the woods, and tell nobody, but good luck getting anything done in a society that revolves around government-issued photo ID). I personally would prefer to take my time and get to know my baby first, before having to name him or her. I'm sure the whole world thinks I'm crazy, but I don't think you can really know what fits until the baby arrives. I personally would rather wait awhile and let my kiddo's personality and self-hood emerge a bit first before slapping any labels on such a malleable little spirit. If it were up to me, I wouldn't impose anything until later on--maybe have a naming-ceremony at the first birthday or something.

Some people, no doubt, are planning on naming their children after beloved relatives, but I'm not in this camp. As much as I love and admire my forebearers, I also think it's important to go through life with your own identity, and without a lot of built-in expectations to live up to.

Another thing, is that sometimes a name "feels right" for one person, but definitely not another. We all know living examples of people who look like they were meant to have a certain name--whereas others walk around with names that don't suit them in the least. I see this a lot with kids in school. Just because I like certain names, doesn't mean they make sense for my particular child.

Some people say that they choose a name early on in order to start relating to their unborn child, but I don't really feel like I need a mnemonic device to help with that. For one, it's pretty hard for me to forget I'm pregnant most of the time, so I don't need any help making it feel more real (maybe this is more of an issue for male partners?). For another, I have always felt rather "connected" to the small presence stirring around in my womb, but have never felt the need to "name" it. To me, it's almost like trying to name God. After all, we are talking about powerful life forces at work here.

Some people have kind of the opposite experience and say their connection with their unborn children is so strong that the child "told" them what they want to be called, but I've never had this experience, and can't speak to it. Yes, we'll be spending nine months in this incredibly intimate bodily relationship (after all, how many people do you typically share a circulatory and digestive system with over the course of your life?) but I am pretty well aware that I'll know my child in an entirely different way (one more based on shared experiences) after he or she is born.

Names. Love them or hate them, I guess you can't live without them. But for the time being, I'd be perfectly happy to. Like most things in life, I'd prefer to wait and see what happens before jumping to conclusions...