Working with Students: Being Real

Being Real: Knowing who you are (as a teacher) and what you believe comes into play quite often when you are working with challenging or difficult students. Usually, you will have to cultivate a working and productive relationship in order to be effective with these types of students. It takes a lot of work (and unfortunately the teacher is the one who does most of the work in the beginning), but ultimately it's an investment in making your time together easier and more productive.

Difficult and challenging students have the same right to an education as everyone else, but unfortunately they need the social skills development piece just as much as the academic development piece. Unless you work in a behavioral program, you may not have suspected that this was part of your job description, but even teachers in mainstream settings should be prepared to do this valuable work. After all, what's more rewarding in the end--having a positive impact on the the kids who need you the most? Or the ones who really could do it all by themselves?

However, having a positive impact on difficult students requires "being real" with both your students and yourself. No one can tell you how to be real--it's mainly about being comfortable with who you are, and being very aware of what beliefs you carry that influence your own decisions and choices. Once you have a handle on your own motivations, then you can begin focusing on your student/s motivations.

Focusing on your Students: Understanding who your student is and what motivates him or her is the next step. (Obviously we're usually talking about more than one student, but it's the kind of work that has to be done on an individual level.)

The following ideas aren't really steps, but suggestions on ways to focus on students:

1. Respect the student's unique traits (whether you consider them positive or negative). We all have the right to be who we are, and that is just as true for your student as it is for you. With challenging students, it's really easy to get caught up in the "negatives", so take some time to discover some of your student's positive traits. (A good suggestion is to pay attention to non-verbal behavior--some of the most challenging kids put up a really good "front" with a lot of verbal posturing--but if you ignore that and watch their behavior, it sends a very different message.) If you are still having trouble finding those, aim for neutral if you have to, but keep in mind the "worst" kids still have their moments where they can be quite charming. Why is this important? It's not just a mental exercise designed to make you feel warm and fuzzy, but rather an opportunity to begin the process of judging what will make YOU more effective with working with THIS person.

2. Allow students to express both their positive and negative feelings in the classroom. Although it may be frustrating at times, as a teacher, students come to school with a variety of feelings, problems, and issues--some of which are less than conducive towards learning. If the student has something they need to "get out", it's often better to let them vent, acknowledge the feelings, and move on with what you were doing. Just like the rest of us, challenging students need to have the opportunity to deal with tough feelings, and for many, school is one of the safer places in their lives to do that. The fact that a particular student is sharing his or her feelings with you actually indicates that a certain level of trust has been established. If that were not the case, the student will usually totally shut down and refuse to interact with you (keep in mind I am referring only to verbal, not physical acting-out here). The trick to keeping the balance is to teach these students how to express negative feelings in a constructive and appropriate way. (The more difficult situations arise with students who tend to express their feelings more physically through destructive behaviors--and solutions to this problem tend to be highly individual in nature, so I won't comment on them here. That's an "advanced topic").

3. Forget about any notions of who you want the student to be: Yes, it would be spectacular if all students came to school well-rested, well-adjusted, well-fed, properly clothed and bathed, without personal problems, family problems, learning disabilities, cognitive deficits, criminal records, mood disorders, and every other kind of thing under the sun, but that's not reality. Once you get past the biggies, you're still faced with the fact that each student is a unique person--and of course what works for seemingly similar students may not work at all for this one. Personalities, temperaments, and motivations all vary widely, so when working with challenging students, it pays to remind yourself from time to time to not expect the student to BE like other students--or like you (but you can and should still hold this student to relevant community norms, high expectations, and other necessary aspects of performing successfully in life). Being real means being who you are, and being accepted for that, and it's a valuable lesson for both teachers and students.

So in the end, "being real" with students is all about reflecting on who you (the teacher) are, and what you believe in, as well as being aware of who the student is, and putting those insights into practice. It is what enables you to react more effectively in difficult situations, to reach challenging students at a deeper level, and be open to changing your beliefs and practices about teaching your most difficult students.