THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN PORTLAND

Yesterday, I got an email about the joys of living in Arkansas, which for the most part is broadly applicable to the whole delta region:

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN ARKANSAS

*Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

*There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Arkansas .

*There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Arkansas

*If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

*Onced and Twiced are words.

*It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

*People actually grow and eat okra.

*'Fixinto' is one word.

*There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper.

*Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

*DJeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

*There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

*The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

*100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.'

*Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-martin' or off to 'Wally World.'

*A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop. . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kinda coke you want?'

*Fried catfish is the other white meat.

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So I decided this would be a good writing prompt to use as a short writing exercise for the "Where We're From" Unit that we start off a new school year with. In the spirit of the exercise, I wrote my own version about life in Portland:

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN PORTLAND
By Mrs. Q

*People wear flipflops year round.

*Not all conifers are pine trees

*There may be no bugs to speak of, but the spiders are to be respected.

*Instead of crack, we have meth

*People are not intimidated by a little rain—or a lot.

*You can buy almost any type of international cuisine imaginable from a guy in a trailer.

*Beer and espresso often co-exist in the same beverage.

*No one carries an umbrella in spite of the fact that it rains nearly 2/3rds of the year.

*No one cares if you have dreads

*Your major landmark is usually a mountain

*People turn on their A/C if it’s over 60 degrees outside.

*In a town of virtual vampires, no one can go outside on a sunny day without their sunglasses.

*All the festivals across the state involve either a rodeo or dirty hippies.

*Your idea of home security is 2 Labrador retrievers.

*You have to cross a bridge to get anywhere in this town.

*The four food groups are beer, salmon, coffee, and marijuana

*You are physically closer to a library than a police station

*The first day of fishing season is an excuse for a sick day.

*If it’s over 45 degrees, and not raining, it’s shorts weather.

*We have two seasons: Raining and Not Raining.

*People hold their cars together with bumper stickers proclaiming the merits of riding one's bike more often.