just like christmas

okay so last week was craaaaaaaazy! oh don't look now! this week is shaping up to be about the same...oh brother...at least we have our fearless leader l---- back. i wouldn't even dare do estimates on a 100 lb tv or a 150 pc china set, i would prefer to go climb into a box and never ever come out again.
so without further ado, here's todays free utterly cranky unsolicited advice about the happy world of logistics:

1. china. Not the country, but the dishes. Really, I can't say this enough, don't try this shit at home kids. Seriously, if you are planning on shipping china and aren't going to bubble wrap it with three layers of bubble wrap, do yourself a favor and take up the fine art of mosaics...Because what else are you gonna do with a box full of broken china?
You may already be asking, "How do I avoid this oh so tragic fate?" For the lazy, the answer is obvious: suck it up and part ways with your hard earned cash and take it to a professional. For the more motivated, here's a couple of handy hints:

Paper: throw that shit in the recycle bin where it belongs. Paper and china don't belong together in a box, and I don't care IF it was that way when you bought it because it certainly wasn't shipped to the place (where you bought it) through UPS in some flimsy recycled box. The paper will do nothing to protect china except take up space and add to your shipping weight. It does NOT protect the china from shock.
Same goes for clothes. Sure when you are moving, you can sorta rig something up where you wrap plates and glasses in shirts, but that only works for the back of your car or Uhaul truck. It's not a good idea with shipping because that shits is gonna flop around all the way from the truck to the conveyor belts back onto the truck, maybe transfer a few times, who knows. Don't try it with something you care about. Either score some bubble wrap and wrap it a bare minimum of two times, or don't bother mailing it, simple as that.

2. Macroeconomics and Fuel: The realities of gas. No, I'm not talking about the aftermath of you last trip to Tacobell. Let's face it gas is expensive these days, which I'm sure you've noticed unless you've been hiding in a cave since bush was elected(?!...not a bad idea actually, can you show me where that cave was? thanks...). This affects the cost of shipping in obvious ways because things move from point a to point b either by means of gasoline or diesel fuel. No flying pink elephants in this equation. Consider for a moment if the item is worth shipping...if you send a 5 lb box all the way to the other side of the country, then you've just totally bypassed the $10 mark. This is no less true if the item weighs a lot more. This affects whether or not you should buy the crazy ass shit you see on ebay. Whether you should send large bulky but valueless and easily replaced items. And whether you should send gifts...or giftcards (hint--most people are FINE with giftcards). Think BEFORE you ship. Or don't bother complaining about the price. It's not like I get the money...blame that shit on oil companies or george bush or whoever floats your boat.

3. FRIENDLY REMINDER: If you are procrastinating like a motherfucker, don't act like I'm the one who needs to hurry up just because you can't get your shit together. Like it's my fault. THANK YOU :)

4. UPS does not stand for United Pot Smokers, but thanks for reminding me that I'm definitely not a 14 year old kid anymore. ;)

5. Aesthetics: If you bring in some shoddily wrapped beat up package, of course I'm going to ask you about it, possibly open it up and inspect it, and maybe tell you it's a bad idea. It's my job to make you aware of the dangers of careless packaging. Trust me it's not because I have anything against you, or want to make more money by selling you a box, but after awhile you get a feel for what will and will not make it to the other side. And like I really want to spend any more time repacking your stuff if it's not absolutely necessary.

okay, that's a collection of wisdom inspired by the past 48 hours.
don't know what's gotten into everyone but our package volume is starting to look like the week before christmas. it's starting to look like this week's gonna be as crazy as last week. who knows what is behind it all, but whatever, the world is a mysterious place, friend.

time to go play with my wine. It's blackberry time.